She looked enough to bang, though, huh? This is always the risk and Id wager 2% of people or less would actually take the time to ask anything about a potential pregancy before the stick gets dipped, My personal philosophy due to the current legal malarky is I need to know their standing on what happens if contraceptives fail and, if they would keep the child, is the person somebody I could see myself staying withboth of those things usually require me to know someone longer than 2 mins., Not JUST due to the legal malarky..I was too focused on getting that word in. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. I hate a society that even makes this an issue. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. Of course life is unfair. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. I Broke Up With My Boyfriend But Question My Decision And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. If there is no child at conception AndreaMarie Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. Two are very small, less than six months. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood.. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. He delivered, at her request, one-half of a set of DNA blueprints. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. A Breakup During Pregnancy Made Me Realize the Mom I Want to Be When I was young, but old enough to ask, my mom always told me that my biological father just wasnt ready to be a daddy. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Jimmy has made his choice. landygirl Hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood, and it is an egregious breach of the implied sexual contract for the woman to turn around and say, Whups, knocked up! And if so, Im ready. Story. Lots of it. Are you kidding? Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? You pack of hypocrites. If you choose to live in an area known to be frequented by storks then you have no one but yourself to blame if you become a parent. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. She is sovereign over her own body. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Hes made a choice. April 9, 2012, 9:20 am. Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. No. That pretty much sums it up for me. If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. But for someone more causal, that isnt really there as much. Its painfully obvious. so we have a 8mth baby. Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. iseeshiny He can just disappear forever for all I care. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Yes, he had unprotected sex. Sorry for the crass language. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. I agree with all of this. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. SpaceySteph We still cant quite manage partheogenesis or budding. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. Though I doubt thats what they really believe. You want some advice? I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. I really only mean exactly what I said. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Really!? Do you have a law to fix that? slept with someone else. Man I love got another girl pregnant - Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend .you can call me whatever you like. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? It just pays. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. Move on. I dont have a problem with that. His ex had gone through a lot of internal as well as external strugglesand became stronger and wiser. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. Most guys will not pass up good sex and they . He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. well, then Id run screaming the other way. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. My Wife Had Fun With My Best Friend And Destroyed Our Son's Future And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. You can look at it like women are lucky- they can opt out at the last minute! I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Women have two- before sex, and after they find out theyre pregnant. If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. iseeshiny So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. Wheww. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. Whoever is saying otherwise is simply wrong. At least with adopted children, they usually have one or two great parents who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. landygirl. But woman, grow the hell up. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. This guy, you can most definitely live without. Sue Jones If you are so against men having to pay for a child they dont want that was nonetheless created by their penis couldnt you make this issue a hell of a lot easier by just telling your male friends to wrap it up? Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. landygirl I will chalk you up as being an internet hairpuller. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Argh. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. The guy and the woman had sex. I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. TheQuietOne And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. Ill never leave you. Her judgment is irrelevant, but it isnt immoral. female Dear Bossip: We Broke Up And He Got Another Woman Pregnant Temperance April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). lol. BACKFIRES! I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. It is legal. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. My mother taught me better than that. Nope. John Rohan Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. 8. And thats a double entendr. Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. No. He might very well be an immature asshole. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. Hes allowed to not want to be a father! But, it would have reduced the chances. Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. But thats a crime? Is this a valid summary? Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. For the love of all things holy are you deliberately obtuse or truly lacking in basic comprehension? Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. haha. The memories you two have together are yours and yours alone. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? April 10, 2012, 4:50 pm. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. You seem to have completely missed the point that virtually anything we do involves risk, and that doing those things doesnt mean were prepared for any possible consequence at any time. I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. My ex got another girl pregnant right after we broke up Now, again, I dont see why it is so hard to let him go, and why you cant move on. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. Having the foresight to step out early doesnt make him an asshole. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? And sorry if this is harsh, but JESUS, I cant even be nice about this one. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. To be fair, the pregnant woman could be an idiot too but the only info we have about her is that she participated in sex with the LWs bf after knowing him a short time, says she was on birth control and is now pregnant and planning to raise the child. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. That isnt misogyny. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? -Wants nothing to do with his own child. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. iseeshiny I wouldnt advocate using the pull-out method alone, but if some stranger says Its cool, Im on the Pill and you dont *quite* believe her and you dont have a condom, I guess it wouldnt hurt. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too?

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